~ Problems ~

Aih…is already 4.30am. Why I am still stay awake? Actually every night about 3.30am I will wake up then until may be 5am only can continue sleep again. What is in my mind? Results! Results! Results! It’s all over my mind. I can’t wait for the results release in next semester. I’m extremely worried of my results ever since my exam had finished.

Every day and night I can’t stop thinking of what kind of results I will get? Passed with flying colours? Or fail either of the subjects? Oh God, please let me pass all the 6 subjects with flying colours. I keep on praying everyday for my results.

Although one of my friends had told me to be confidence in whatever things we do. I always believe that I sure can pass all my subjects with flying colours without fail either of it. Even if so, but I still very worry that what if I fail either of it? I sure can’t accept the fact of failing wither of the subjects. Then, I sure will start to act abnormally and may be even do some crazy stuff which normally I won’t do it. I might be crazy or act abnormally for one week or one month.

My family problems have become more and more serious and my mum is already hopeless, can’t help her anymore. I’m quite disappointed when I back Kuantan for semester break this time. Every thing has change since my dearest grandma had passed away on 29/3/2008. My pity grandpa has nothing to eat. They only let him eat a few pieces of biscuits with plain water. How can an old man survive like this? He has not enough nutrients and getting thinner and thinner. How can they treat him like that? He’s our grandpa or their father or father-in-law. It’s cruel! So, every morning when I am out breakfast with my dad, I will buy some food for my grandpa for his tea break. It is at least much better than see him only eat few pieces of biscuits with plain water.

The noisy and full with laughter house had become a gloomy and quiet house since my grandma passed away. Many of them seldom go back to visit my grandpa. And those family politics had occurred. It’s very sad and heartache to see so. Luckily my grandpa still alive, else, I think I don’t need to go back to my grandparents’ house anymore. I really miss those days when everyone gather and joke together at my grandparents’ house. Although half a year had passed, but I still will burst into tears whenever I miss my grandma so much sometimes. I believe my grandma would not want to see this if she’s still alive.

I have a lot of friends; I also have many good friends. But it doesn’t mean I have a true and best friend. I really don’t know who to tell all my problems. That’s why I choose to keep it in the thousand meters deep bottom of my heart. Firstly, I thought of sharing it with my elder sister, but can’t because she also got her own problems and very busy with her activities and studies. So, I don’t want to add on her burden. In college, I have a friend to share with but I think sometimes I make her feel annoying and irritating. Although she didn’t say so, but can see from the way she acts. Lastly, my last choice is my ex-best friend who is one of my housemates now. I trust him so much but I choose not to tell him after so many things had happened because I scare I will make him feel trying. In conclusion, nobody can tell, right? So, the very last choice is keep it and don’t tell. I really hope we can return to like previously we can talk everything. Then, I don’t need to keep it anymore. I hope you will be my listener and adviser no matter what happen every time. I remember you had told me before that we must look forward, don’t look back to the past, must always improve ourselves. But no matter what, no one can live alone, right? Still need some one to talk to, right? I really hope you can always be my listener and adviser in those coming days.

It’s already 5.30 am. So, I shall stop here and go to sleep now. Hope you will get what I mean in the last few sentences in the second last paragraph. Look forward for the next semester and my results. I hope my results will be passed with flying colours.