- It's Life -

I wonder how life should be? How to live a more happier and interesting life. Everything happens for a reason. What I'm facing now may not be just me, alone facing the same problem. There are so many people in this world who may facing slightly the same problems.

It's normal to have difference problems from time to time. It's just the matter of time and how the person solve it. It's depending on the seriousness and how the person think of the problems. Not everyone choose to face it, there may be people who choose to avoid their problems as may due to they afraid of loosing it or get hurt or the reality is too scary or painful to them to accept it. Not even me, myself can directly deal with my own problems all the time.

"I should resign! I must resign now! But how if I can't find any job yet? What I really want to do? What sort of job I should look for and more suitable for me?", it keeps going round and round in my mind. It's crazy. My body  is giving such a bad signal whereby I wake up late sometimes in the morning or tend to search for all sorts of reasons just to skip from work. I understand and very clear that this is a company which I should leave very soon and can't stay any longer.

I can just resign anytime and return to my hometown as there's a permanent job waiting for me. I even can get some of the shares of the company and work there for life. It's such a good opportunities and can save up my rental and transport expenses and even able to take care of my parents all the time. But why? Why I choose to stay here?

It's because it ain't any other places, it's a place i grow up and it's comfortable to live there with my parents and some friends. I'm afraid! I'm afraid that if I were to go back, then I will not be coming out from that place anymore. Not that I can't but it's hard. Deep down my heart will fill with infinite guiltiness if i were to tell my parents that, "mum, dad, it's time for me to go out again, to kl or overseas for work. Till that time, how old I am already? How many years left for me to take care of my parents? How can I just leave them behind?" These are all the facts which causing and pulling my back.

One thing I'm very sure of for now is to get my work done as usual everyday and leave the company as soon as possible once I clear my debts. Till then, I should stay strong, wake up early, go to work and shall not think of any reasons from skipping work. Sometimes, really thought of giving myself an Oscar Award as I'm too good in acting. Such scary actress like me in faking myself in facing something. Please do keep in mind whereby this is not a person should be. Haha.....