~ EnD a FrIEndShIP ~

Have you ever think of ending a friendship with anyone? To be honest, I did think of it before. It’s very stupid for me to think so. Furthermore, I even thought of I’ll be more happy if I end the friendship with my friend. But I might be loosing 2 friends at once if I do so. I’m so selfish and never think of what they think. That’s not me! Oh my god, I must be crazy and out of my mind!

What makes me think of ending the friendship? It may be because there’s something that I still can’t accept it. May be I can accept it when time passes. But I think it might take a very long time for me to accept it. I understand that we had gone through many things before. I appreciate it so much! May be you all may think that I’m ‘small gas’. But have you all thought of it deeply by standing at my side. Then, you all will know how I feel of the upset and disappointment. I don’t think I’ll continue to type this passage anymore because it may causes some troubles or conflicts if I continue it. I don’t hope to see so happen!

Actually is extremely hard to end a friendship with anyone especially your good friend. May be I won’t ask for help or anything anymore. I’ll always try my best to help myself. I’ll protect myself from getting sad and hurt. Because I want to be the cheerful me and no longer sad anymore. My tears is going to dry up if I keep crying everyday and is just like ‘one liter of tears’. Because I’ve so many problems in this semester that causes the tears can’t stop flowing.

Do you think that I want to be so? No! I was affected by the surrounding, by it happens around me every moment. Disappointed and sadness are also apart of it that are also affecting me. May be one day you all may found out that I’m no longer that person you all anymore.

~ SuRRenDeR ~

Finally, I loose! I loose to myself! I surrender! I always thought that I can live alone but really can’t. For people like me, sure won’t feel lonely because I always make friends everywhere. But when I feel sad and down that time, there’s no one to console me, not even one of them. When I really need help or a friend to accompany me or console me, but no! No one will! I always thought that I’m a very tough girl that can face all the problems and settle everything just by my own because I don’t want others to worry or trouble others. To be honest, sometimes is really very tiring being so tough.

Oh God, please bring her along with you to heaven. Please let her leave peacefully and beautifully. That’s what my grandma hopes for. Pleas don’t let her suffer anymore. When she’s suffering, not only she feels the pain but everyone around her too. I believe that I sure will cry when she leaves but I willing to let her go. I don’t want to see her suffer anymore.

Don’t worry grandma! Even if nobody always beside me to console me after you leaves, I believe I sure can overcome it by myself. Although is hard and it needs time, but time will rove everything. So, you may go peacefully anytime. I love you forever!

~ The First Day of School and my Results ~

Actually there’s nothing special with my first day of school. I was shocked to hear the news this early in the morning. There were 85% of students fail their FOA. How could it be? We’re accounting students and so many of them fail? Oh my god! From that moment onwards, I can’t really concentrate in my lecture. Another reason was also because I was having heavy flu. Since then, I’m prepared and ready to see any of the subject fail.

After reached home, I was so nervous and can’t wait to check for my results. I was so impatient! May be because there’re many people log into the website to check their results, so it’s hard to log in to the web page. I tried for a few times only get to log in. My results are bad although I pass all the subjects. To be honest, I quite satisfy with my results and I know what causes me can’t get A. The results are worse than the previous results. My mum was so disappointed and sad cause of I didn’t get any A.

I’m not a genius or intelligent person. So, I must work many times harder than other people to get A. It’s not an easy job. Now only I realize that I always study so hard and aim so high not only for myself but main for my parents and relatives. I don’t want to disappoint them and I don’t want to look down by other people. From an active yi yin become a passive yi yin. By staying at home study and only go out once in a blue moon.
What’s happening? I really have no idea. Aih……