~Thank You! 'Arigatokosaimatsu'!~

it seems like start from now i have to be more tough to face all the problems by myself because everyone is very busy nowadays and maybe nobody will be there for me when i'm down or sad. furthermore,i can;t be so selfish always think of myself only,must think of others,right? sometimes,i do think i'm a useless sister because my kor(brothers) and jie(sister) always help me put when i've any problems. but on the other hand, i can't even help them or don't even know they have problems. so,i'm quite useless sister har?but nomatter what happen,kor and jie you all never neglect me before. as you all are very busy,that's why only seldom chat or 'layan' me. but is ok,i understand.haha....as a result,i must learn to face all the problems by myself,i must be brave and tough to do so and i'm sure i can do it! & i'll never give up easily!
i admit sometime i did feel hurt by what you said to me. but don't worry and don't feel sorry fot it,i'm fine! you all do so is for my own good.i know that. as what i mentined just now,you all are my kor and jie,nomatter what happen i'll still stand by your side,giving you my full support,love,concern and care.hehe...like what my friend told me,'friend is in heart'. the same thing 'kor and jie,you all will also be in my heart forever even till the end of the world'.
Besides,i'm also one of the luckiest person in the world because there are so many people cares and loves me. i'm already feel very happy with it! is enough for me dy! i always preay for everyone to wish that all of you can stay happy and healthy always and also live better than me.
last but not least,thank you everyone especially my kor and jie. kor,jie,i can live until today is also because of you all. i remember there's once i wanted to contemplated suicide and also tried to run away from home but at last i never do so because you all had brightened my life and bring me out from darkness. you all told me how precious life is and also let me feel the warm of a family and the important of a family to me too. thank you! i very proud of you all! i learn many things from you all! muacksss......i love you all! 'sarangheyo'!!!

~Worst Exam~

i think this mid year exam is the worst exam i ever have. i'm going to break record for my moden maths after i study for 13 years. i think this will be the first ime. although i don't know what i'll get for my mathematic but as i know must be very 'teruk' at least 50% or 60% only and also not more than 70%. that mean i can't even get an A2. really feel a shame of myself.aih....i did it badly cause seldom do exercises and also got many questions i did not know how to answer. so many questions i also depend on guessing it. i played 'tikam'.haha...is unbelievable!
i never even did my mathematics so badly before. i often get 100% but this time really is my wrong. i have 'no eyes to see' already & usually i also very confident to myself. but nevermind after all is over,so just let it be cause i also can't do anything already. so just take it as a lesson & don't ever repeat it again. i promise myself i'll get musc more better results for my every subject in my next test & it's on july. yo! gambateh & don't give up easily!

~Is Hard to be A Cheerful Person~

you will never know the reason even the person who know me well the most. Because i can very sure that in this world there's no person know me well other than myself,not even my parents,nobody knows what i'm thinking. is it so hard to find a person to express or tell out my feelings? yes, i admit i very selfish always disturb kor & jie. i know i shouldn't do so. but then fine! start from now everyone will be very busy to prepare for their exam and also is time for myself to think that settle every problems by myself. is time to think so because nobody will be free already. i also don't want to disturb them anymore. furthermore,i also bring many problems to them already. kor & jie,don't worry cause is time to let me think so. own problems have to settle ownself. there's what people always say.
i'm unhappy & moody always because i always give myself very high hopes & my permintaan very high,once i can't succeed it,i'll b very dissapointed & sad. & also once i did anything wrongly to anyone or myself,then i'll feel like i can;t forgive myself for what i did. besides,i also have to face many problems like family conflict,my studies and also many of my own problems. although i did lose myself once but i found it back in the end. but at the same time,i lost my happiness,laughness & even smile. until now, i still haven't found it back but nevermind because at least i can bring happiness to everyone but not my own. so is still a happy things har? hehe......

~The Answer Is Not Important Anymore~

yes...i found the answer. but after all,the answer is not imprtant to me anymore. from this event,i really learnt a lesson. actually im wrong! the most important thing is not the answer & also not how or what a person call u but is how a person treat u. before that i said that the most important thing is how you treat others and not how you treat others. honestly,i just found out that what i said is wrong. i'm very selfish! actually both also important - how a person treat you and also how you treat that person. it play a part in our life! but one thing is true that if you want a person to respect you, firstly you must respect others first. what lesson i have leant from it? it is not important how or what a person call you because it doesn't mean anything but the most important is how they treat you. that's the lesson and answer i found. thank you very much,danny kor kor! i admit i really asked the wrong thing a the wrong time. i also admit i'm very selfish in many things. sorry to all my kor,jie and also danny kor kor. may be it's too late to say so but i hope u all will forgive me.
sometimes,i quite proud of myself because im that kind of person that very patient. nomatter how a person scold me i will only keep quiet and also nomatter how moodless and unhappy i am,i also won't show it in front of others even in ront of my parents. i will only keep in my heart and act like very happy or just like nothing happen before in front of them. why i do so?because i don't want anyone worry me. since small until now nobody knows when i'm crying because i will hide myself or wait until everyone sleep only i cried. so nobody know i cried.
i really hope everything will become better. so remember how a person treat you and also how you treat others is more important than how a person called you! i know all of you treat me very good. thank you jie & all my kor,i really learn many things from u all. lastly, i want to promise to all of you(jie and all my kor) that i will never care anything anymore because the more i care or say may be will cause troubles or make thing worse. aih...i hope if next time have any problems still can find u all chat. aih....

~MISUNDERSTAND~

it started a few months ago & until yesterday after explain by my jie(god sis) then i only know that i'm the person who misunderstand the whole thing.
it happened a few months ago.firstly,i was so surprised that my jie's kor(her god brother) found me chat because always i'm the person who find them chat & not they find me. so i was so happy & he said, sorry mei(means lil sis) because all this while i was very busy & seldom chat with u. he called me mei because i always call him big kor kor cause he's elder than me.
then i thought he treat me as his sis,but actually i'm wrong!
yesterday when i chat with my jie tat time,i suddenly asked jie where kor(her god brother) comes from? i thought he's from klang(mayb i heard wrongly last time) but actually he's from johor. but i already knew this a few months ago because kor told me. so i told jie about it. at the same time,i also said i hope i can meet all my kor & my jie one day because i always saw people's kor & jie but not me. then i told jie if i want to visit all of you,firstly i have to go K.L to meet jie & my kor from Kuantan last time(his family & him had moved to K.L during November 2005). then continue my journey to meet my kor from Bahau & lastly meet jie's kor at Johor. suddenly,she asked me y i want to meet her kor. then i replied because he also my kor. jie asked again, did her kor asked me to be his sis. i answered jie, but she called me mui. jie explained to me that he called me mui because i'm younger than him.that mean her kor only treat me like siu mui mui not his sis. from what jie explained,i only understand that i'm the one who misunderstand it all this while.
i really feel very dissapointed to hear so & my heart was broke immediately. i was quite sad to hear so.but i told myself nomatter he treat me like siu mui mui or his sis, i still will treat him like my real kor. meybe u all will think that i'm very stubborn. because my mum always told me nomatter how other people treat u is their business but the most important is how you treat others. if others treat you badly also doesn't matter.
i hope i have chance to ask jie's kor for the truth.aih.......